No one, aside from weirdos, wants to read some boring post about grammar and punctuation. I’m not an English teacher, and I’m not in the business of excerpting textbooks. So let us keep this post on hyphens to one point. Ready?
This is a hyphen: –
This is an adverb: quickly
This is the aforementioned point of this post: When modifying a noun with an adverb, omit the hyphen. The “ly” replaces it.
I know; writers hate adverbs and want them to suffer. But those poor, maligned parts of speech are in charge when nouns must be modified, no matter how beautiful the hyphen that comes traipsing along. See the action-packed example that appears after this paragraph break.
Wrong: The quickly-flowing lava raced down the volcano’s slope, enveloping the ancient monster, Rodan, before the beast could fly away.
Right: The quickly flowing lava raced down the volcano’s slope, enveloping the ancient monster, Rodan, before the beast could fly away.
When modifying a noun without an adverb, use a hyphen.
Right: The flesh-eating monster, Rodan, is impervious to all things. Except lava.
That is all for today. Other than, “Beware of Rodan.”
**********
Little known fact: John Lennon was singing about punctuation abuse in this song. 100% of the proceeds from this YouTube video go toward improving the quality of life for hyphens. If I were the Beatles, though, I’d probably set aside $40 to buy a microphone stand so Paul and George don’t have to share.
Eric the Gray 
September 15th, 2013 at 7:25 pm
Shall I kiss you now or later? Grammar AND The Beatles in one post? I’m feeling lightheaded . . .
September 15th, 2013 at 10:03 pm
Who am I to interfere with someone trying to kiss me? Though, if you really wanted to set the mood, you should have written, “You had me at Rodan.”
😉
September 16th, 2013 at 1:05 pm
You had me at “weirdos,” actually.
September 16th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
You had me at “weirdo.”
September 15th, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Personal-ly I like the grammar pieces, they are always funny which makes them easier to remember than the rules in those grammar books.
September 15th, 2013 at 10:08 pm
Thanks. If I had truly extensive knowledge of grammar, I would consider pitching a humorous reference book on the subject.
September 15th, 2013 at 8:05 pm
This made my day, thanks Eric!
September 15th, 2013 at 10:09 pm
Thanks. I was moved by your recent post, by the way. I’d wanted to offer encouraging words, but I felt that you weren’t looking for advice.
September 15th, 2013 at 10:47 pm
Thank you for your concern. It was just one of those moments of therapeutic writing: overwhelming yet healing. Anyway I felt much better after reading this post. 🙂
September 16th, 2013 at 9:21 am
I sensed that (I’m not always the blundering clod, though people close to me might disagree). Putting aside the personal nature of it, it was a good piece of writing.
September 16th, 2013 at 9:31 am
Thank you, that means a lot coming from you Mr Grammar man.
If it’s any consolation I don’t think you’re a blundering clod.
September 15th, 2013 at 9:30 pm
This should lead you soon to the matter of so-called and unneeded quotation marks… Pet peeve alert!
September 15th, 2013 at 9:58 pm
Care to write a guest post on the subject?
September 16th, 2013 at 11:32 am
Maybe a haiku… 😉
September 16th, 2013 at 11:52 pm
Deal!
September 15th, 2013 at 10:30 pm
Well, that was very beneficial to know. Thanks.
September 16th, 2013 at 9:25 am
Not quite as deep as what you posted, but there’s room for fluff on wordpress as well (or I’d run out of things to write rather quickly). I do my best to balance other people’s substance with lightweight triviality.
September 16th, 2013 at 12:36 am
Perhaps, in a statistical reference, I am an outlier. Never one to care about grammar or punctuation, I’ve always opted to read for content. As long as the words resonate and the message is substantive, it could be The Blob that is overtaking the planet. Perhaps an anomaly, I remain unphased about the proper placement of symbols and characters? 🙂
September 16th, 2013 at 9:28 am
I fully endorse the abandonment of punctuation rules when Blobs grow larger than a cubic meter. Sure, they’re cute when they are babies, but that’s how the invasion starts! “Aw, look at the squishy little…. AAAHHHHHH!”
September 16th, 2013 at 1:04 am
This is a good reminder; I forget the rule on this sometimes.
September 16th, 2013 at 9:31 am
The rule I talked about here isn’t tragic, but it can be when hyphens are left out and the meaning of a sentence is totally changed. And by “tragic” I really mean “funny.”
September 16th, 2013 at 5:04 am
I am spellcheck dependent. There is one that suggets -ly and so much more. This I ignore most times and go with what reads and feels good in what I write. Someone has to stimulate those who get a kick every time they find a moment to criticize non-professional writers. This I bravely posted without spellcheck.
September 16th, 2013 at 9:33 am
There are many times when a writer’s voice comes into conflict wth formal rules of construction. I break them all the time, especially if I’m going for humor. There’s really only one rule: Make it good.
September 16th, 2013 at 3:11 pm
lol! I spread he humor alright…
September 16th, 2013 at 7:56 am
Good points here, although I’ve never considered it an issue.
If I may put on my pedant’s hat for a moment, I always thought adjectives modify nouns and adverbs modify verbs. In your example “quickly flowing lava” the verb “flowing” is modified by the adverb “quickly”. Then the combined term “quickly flowing” acts as an adjective on the noun “lava”. Maybe I’m over-thinking this.
September 16th, 2013 at 9:38 am
It’s a good technical point you make. For the sake of the message, let’s just say an adverb always replaces a hyphen.
None of this will matter once we discover that second, lava-proof Rodan.
September 16th, 2013 at 10:00 am
Straight to the point…thanks, Eric!
September 16th, 2013 at 11:53 pm
I’m inspired by my dunce cap.
September 16th, 2013 at 10:40 am
But you didn’t follow up with what happens to hyphens that are rejected. Do they go to a home for wayward hyphens? Is there a happily hour there? Poor things.
September 16th, 2013 at 11:54 pm
They tie themselves into a long string, wait in the shadows, and jump out to trip the first adverb that walks by.
September 16th, 2013 at 3:31 pm
Your segue from hyphens to the Beatles is ROCK solid. 😀
September 16th, 2013 at 11:56 pm
That was about as safe a move as picking Freddie Mercury for my third favorite rock singer of all time!
September 16th, 2013 at 9:03 pm
When the photo of Rodan loaded onto the page, I knew I was in for something good! I’ve never really understood any of the rules for adverbs, so this was a very helpful lesson! Thank you!
September 16th, 2013 at 11:58 pm
“When the photo of Rodan loaded onto the page, I knew I was in for something good!”
So you’re married already, huh? Rats. I hope your hubby appreciates what he’s got.
😉
September 17th, 2013 at 4:05 pm
LOL! Love of cheezy monster flicks was kind of a deal breaker.
September 17th, 2013 at 4:27 pm
I’ve tried to get my better half on the Godzilla train, but I think she’s more of the “Sleepless in Seattle” type. Not enough three-headed golden dragons in that flick for me.
September 17th, 2013 at 10:38 pm
As always, nicely-done.
October 5th, 2013 at 12:52 pm
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