Spoiler-free review of Jurassic World

jurassic world


1. Jurassic World cost Universal $150 million to make (or so I’ve read), which is relatively cheap for a big summer blockbuster, and every last penny is on the screen. Almost non-stop visual splendor (thanks to a seamless blend of ultra-realistic dinosaur effects and striking cinematography), which is more than I can say for recent productions like Godzilla and Skyfall, both of which had much larger budgets and far less to show for it.

2. I don’t know much about graphic design, but that logo up top is flat-out brilliant. The design, the colors, the textures, the font, the blue tracing inside the lettering. You could teach an entire course using this graphic alone.

3. Dinosaurs.

4. If you’re a crankypants who is too sophisticated to acknowledge popular entertainment, why are you reading this?


1. The screenplay appears to have been written by an eight-year-old with ADHD.

2. This plot has more dropped threads than a yarn store after an earthquake.

3. All the 3D glasses in the world won’t give these cardboard cut-out characters depth.

4. And since when does an “embedded dinosaur tracking device” look like a vacuum tube from a Marshall guitar amp?

marshall tubes

Overall: You really have to love dinosaurs or you will get absolutely nothing from this movie. I guess if you think Chris Pratt is hot…

27 responses to “Spoiler-free review of Jurassic World

  • John Guillen

    I don’t really love dinosaurs, but I wouldn’t believe it if someone with any common sense didn’t say it’s the second best in the series. The second and third films were atrocious. And the first was magic. I liked it. Serious question, did that ending lead you to believe that Universal wants to make another movie in the series? I didn’t think so, but then I saw that the opening estimate is $204M. Which is RIDICULOUS. That’s Avengers kind of money.

    • ericjbaker

      i think after making a half a billion dollars globally in 3 days, Universal almost has to make a sequel. If only someone could come up with a plot that isn’t, “There’s no way dinosaurs can escape from these enclosures. Oh shit…”

      I agree it’s the most entertaining since the first. I’ll give the third one a teeny bit of credit in the sense that it didn’t take itself seriously and got in an out of there in an hour and a half. The second one was a bloated mess.

  • haydendlinder

    Well, that is about what I expected it to be.

    • ericjbaker

      It’s really the most limiting concept of almost any big franchise I can imagine. There’s really nowhere to go with the story. Still fun if you are in it for the visuals.

  • Kate @ Did That Just Happen?

    It was totally over the top, action filled and paid a lot of homage to the first one – it was epic. And totally worth it! 🙂

  • nrhatch

    I’ll watch it at home when it’s released on DVD. Thanks for the heads up.

  • Rick Marino

    Totally agree with #2, excellent graphic design. All the other points seem valid as well!

  • skywalkerstoryteller

    I think you’ve missed the conversations. Thanks for the review. Will save us wasting our time when it gets to Netflix. But have you seen the new Mad Max?

  • Janna G. Noelle

    I remember seeing the first Jurassic Park in the theatre as a kid. My dad took me and I recall getting goosebumps when John Williams’ iconic theme filled the room as the family rode the helicopter over to the island. I loved that movie and think I’ll just hold onto those fond memories and give Jurassic World a pass.

    I’m starting to get really picky about which remakes and reboots I expose myself to. I have no problem with reintroducing old stories to new audiences, but rarely do these do-overs manage to capture the original magic.

  • Gwen Stephens

    So lots of conflict, but very little story, if I’m interpreting your review correctly? Not that I was inclined to see it. Sounds like a typical summer blockbuster to me.

    • ericjbaker

      I would say little story so much as 5 or 6 threads introduced and all either completely forgotten or given cursory resolution. There were 4 credited screenwriters, and you can tell.

  • Richard Leonard

    Ah, so if an eight year old wrote the screenplay, there’s hope for me yet!

  • 1WriteWay

    As a knitter, I found this complaint to be hilarious: “2. This plot has more dropped threads than a yarn store after an earthquake.” 🙂
    I haven’t seen the movie and probably won’t until (maybe) it’s available on Netflix. I thought the first film was great fun but haven’t seen the other two mainly because I’m just not that into dinosaurs 😉

    • ericjbaker

      I went in with low expectations and had fun, but if you’re the least bit demanding about storytelling quality, you’ll probably laugh at a lot of things that aren’t supposed to be funny.

  • allthoughtswork

    Jurassic World should be renamed “Snacks.” I laugh my ass off every time I think about it.

  • billyd75

    My son is a huge fan of dinos, so, eventually, we’ll have to see this one. Thanks for being one of the very few people that can keep spoilers out of a review! 😀

    • ericjbaker

      haha. I think you’re OK on the spoilers. The statute of limitations is 1 year. Anyway, if I haven’t seen one of the movies you’re reviewing, I just skip the last paragraph.

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