No elephants were harmed in the writing of this post

Music Journal Entry #5

Warning: The photograph accompanying this blog post depicts simulated scenes of ivory being tickled. The deranged human seen indulging in such attempted perversion is Tony, my songwriting partner.

Once we realized that these keys are made of plastic (which is not ticklish), we got down to the business of recording the synth parts for our album. If you haven’t read my previous entries, here’s where we stand so far: I recorded the drum tracks, Tony played bass (and acoustic guitar on one song), I added lead and rhythm electric guitars, and now it’s Tony’s turn on the keys.

Our recording adventure is taking an interesting turn here. When we wrote these songs, we used guitars and basses and drums. We knew all these parts and arrangements, so it was just a matter of getting them from our brains onto the hard drive. But no keyboard parts were written. Thus, we find that these tunes are taking on a mood and a flavor we did not anticipate as we layer in piano and organ sections, which is fun and exciting. I already thought we didn’t sound like anyone else, and now to an even greater degree, if that even makes sense. Perhaps the listener will have fun picking out our subtle influences, which run the gamut from late ’50s improv jazz to neoclassic speed metal.

Some of these songs don’t call for keyboards, so I expect we’ll wrap it up shortly and move onto recording the vocals. (Cough cough)… a hem… Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti-

Hey, where are you going?

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Writing Tip # 72 – “As Such” does not mean “Therefore”

Greetings readers, writers, and orangutans with internet.

I see this one a lot in news articles, non-fiction books, and corporate documents … People using “as such” in place of Therefore, Thus, or As a result. That’s not what it means.

Example of such misuse from a fictional sports article:

“Luigi McGregor leads the National League with 73 home runs this season. As such, he is due for a substantial raise on his current salary of six bucks an hour.”

The problem with this construction is that the first sentence explains what Luigi did, not what he is.

“As such” is another way of saying, “Since he is that thing I just described.” Therefore, the imaginary writer of the above sports article is telling us that Luigi is either the National League, 73 home runs, or a baseball season. I guess it’s our choice.

To use “as such” correctly, the writer would have to say this:

“Luigi McGregor is the National League leader with 73 home runs this season. As such, he is due for a substantial raise on his current salary of six bucks an hour.”

Here, Luigi is described as the home run leader in the NL. In other words, my topic (Luigi) is a thing (NL home run leader). As such a thing, he is due for a raise.

More examples:

Bruce Springsteen is one of the most popular recording artists in America. As such, he should easily be able to sell out Giants Stadium.

Godzilla is a 200-foot-tall monster that spits atomic fire and tramples cities. As such, he has a hard time meeting women.

“Therefore” would have been acceptable in all these instances as well, but it is not interchangeable with “As such.” The latter only works when a topic is described as a thing, be it one of America’s most popular recording artists or a 200-foot tall monster.

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Thanks for reading. Next week I’ll explain how to wash your basement with a live goldfish.