How do you get the “storm naming” job at U.S. Weather Command? By being boring?
As someone who has recently endured hurricanes Irene and Sandy and winter storms “whatever,” “I forget”, and, last night, “Nika,” shouldn’t I have some say in what they’re called? Assuming you said yes, I propose naming storms after something beloved the world over; something that evokes the innocence of an earlier, sweeter, by-gone age (provided one overlooks the gas shortages, the Vietnam War, the proliferation of nuclear weapons, the spread of STDs, Three Mile Island, rampant cocaine abuse, genocide in Cambodia, and the Bee Gees): The 1970s sitcom character.
Wouldn’t all the power outages, floods, and closed airports go down a little easier if Hurricane “Horshack” were the culprit? Who can stay mad at a weather event named after that knucklehead from Welcome Back Kotter? And let’s go with Typhoon “Weezy” next time one of those monsters rolls around the Pacific wreaking havoc. You wouldn’t mind cleaning up after Louise Jefferson. She’s practically family!
I forget what they called Monday’s storm, but I’m hereby renaming it Winter Storm “Potsie.” Potsie Weber, of Happy Days fame, was a big, likable goof, always bounding around in a happy-go-lucky fashion and never taking life too seriously. With that psychological frame around it, who doesn’t want a big heap of snow and a day off from school, eh kids?
Last night’s snowy, sleety rerun, erroneously dubbed “Nika” by the powers that be… well, it pretty much names itself, doesn’t it: “Rerun,” after the beloved comic-relief character and second-best bud to Roger “Raj” Thomas (no one could ever replace Dwayne as Raj’s pal #1. Hey HEY Hey) on What’s Happening? from 1976 to 1979. Plus-sized Rerun danced his way into TV viewers’ hearts in the late ’70s, and we’ve loved him ever since. Now don’t we all feel better about that &^%$#^ storm yesterday?
Free storm names for the taking:
Hurricane “Hot Lips”
Winter Storm “Stubing”
Typhoon “Murray the Cop”
Tropical Storm “Meathead”
Blizzard “Fish” [also available as a band name]
I can do this all day, so you’d better stop me now. By the way, I’m being like other bloggers for once and posting my own pictures, except mine are rubbish. These were taken from the sidewalk outside my apartment two nights ago with an 8-year-old Kodak digital camera, which isn’t equipped for night shooting, so stop complaining. Winter Storm Potsie, post plowing: