My Man Crush on Sean Bean

Per urbandictionary.com:

Man Crush – A man who has a crush on another man without sexual attraction.

Notwithstanding the subject misplacement in that definition (a man can’t be a man crush), a man crush is a real thing. I know, because I’ve had one on the English actor Sean Bean for ages. It can lie dormant for a year or two at a time, but then I’ll see a trailer for a show or a movie featuring the hardworking thespian, and I’ll be like, “Damn. That Sean Bean has got it goin’ on.”

Like in this new TNT show, Legends, which I now have to watch:

The good thing about a man crush vs. a real crush is that there’s no anxiety and you don’t lose sleep over it. You can’t be rejected, either, because it’s not like you’re going to ask the guy out. Sean Bean won’t take my calls anyway (jerk), but the point is, having the man crush is the end in itself.

Man crushes are also fun because they freak out homophobes and those vehemently anti-gay folks who secretly wrestle with feelings they want desperately to repress. The latter usually open gay-conversion clinics and other such silly institutions, and they tend to add a lot of noise to otherwise intelligent conversations.

Sometimes a machine gun is just a machine gun.

Sometimes a machine gun is just a machine gun.

If you are a man and think you might want to share my man crush (another great aspect: no jealousy. The more the merrier. It’s like polyamory where no one touches anybody), check out Sean Bean in HBO’s Game of Thrones, the suspense thriller/remake The Hitcher, the first Lord of the Rings movie, Fellowship of the Ring, or as the villain in the James Bond flick Goldeneye.

Note: Man crushes should not be confused with “bromances,” in which two or more dudes are really close and hang out together all the time but are not romantically or sexually attracted to each other. I tried to explain the difference to a gay friend once, and he said, “I don’t know. I just went out and got myself a boyfriend. It’s less complicated.”

So guys, who’s your man crush? Ladies, have you got a lady crush you’re willing to admit to? Gay and lesbian readers, have you ever had a non-romantic crush on a member of the other sex? It can happen! Another gay friend told once described his other-sex crush on Kirsten Dunst. For reals.

Talk to me.

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32 responses to “My Man Crush on Sean Bean

  • uju

    I have a female crush on Megan Foxx 😀 And another on a colleague of mine at work. She’s some 3yrs older than I am and we’re best buds here.

    P.S Did you change your there? It looks brighter in here today.

    • ericjbaker

      Megan Fox. I approve!

      I did change the theme. It was time for a remodel. I wanted something that kept the “hmmm… this could be a guy who writes horror and dark sci-fi stories” aesthetic but looked more up to date. Thanks for noticing.

  • Jill Weatherholt

    Okay, why is this the first time I’ve heard the word “bromance”…I love it!
    Once upon a time, I had a female crush on Meg Ryan, until she did all kinds of strange things to her face. 😦

    • nrhatch

      Yes! Thank you for that, Jill. When I see Meg Ryan these days, she looks like The Joker in Batman (played by Dennis Quaid). ACK!

    • ericjbaker

      Indeed. Talk about trying to fix something that wasn’t broken… When people have trouble grasping the definition of “irony” (too many confuse it with coincidence), I cite the Meg Ryan plastic surgery disaster as an example.

      1. Actress is worried she won’t get movie parts anymore because of her age.

      2. Actress has cosmetic surgery done to look younger but ends up looking like a alien.

      3. Actress can’t get work because she looks like an alien.

  • Arkenaten

    I was going to say Jimi Hendrix but of course he’s dead and this might force me to wonder if such a man-crush would include some sort of non-sexual necrophilia?
    So I think it best I abstain from this and just acknowledge that you are weird, Eric.

    🙂

    Sean Bean, indeed.
    Perhaps if you had said Mister Bean. Well, now ….

    • ericjbaker

      Poor Sean Bean has to go through life using his full moniker “Sean Bean.” Writers have to say “the actor” and “the film star” in follow up references. Why? Because we’d all crack up every time “Mr. Bean” is applied.

      Where’s Weird Al to address this conundrum?

  • nrhatch

    I don’t have a crush on anyone at the moment. In general, intelligence is a big draw, especially when combined with nerves of steel, feats of almost super human strength and agility, and a great sense of humor.

    Plus knowing their way around the kitchen.
    And knowing one end of the vacuum cleaner from the other.

    Hollywood stars are weird and getting weirder. And many are wired. Plus they like to play dress up and stay out way past my bedtime, and they’re never available for BINGO on Tuesday nights.

  • livelytwist

    I like the new look of your blog. This preview makes me want to watch the series, but I can’t afford to! I have crushes on guys! Where do I start? 🙂

  • L. Marie

    I’ve loved Sean ever since I saw him in Goldeneye. Loved him as Boromir. Just love the guy period.

  • 1WriteWay

    I love your gay friend’s response to bromance 🙂 Current female crush: Jeri Ryan (you probably could have guessed that).

  • jhmae

    When I first saw the preview for his new show, my second thought was – “finally, Sean Bean has found a show he can’t die in!” My first thought was “He has a man-cruch on Mr. Bean? To each his own, I guess…”

    I have a girl crush (woman crush??) on Natalie Portman. Alluring lady. And Jessica Chastain a bit.

    • ericjbaker

      The producers will somehow find a way to kill him on his own show. Have you ever read the Riverworld series? The main character, a grizzled adventurer, can only travel through Riverworld (which is also a timeline of history) by dying and coming back to life somewhere else on the timeline. If anyone was ever born to play a part…

      As for Natalie Portman, she is indeed lovely, but her involvement in the Star Wars prequels stops me from ever developing a crush. She needs a good script to be good. Without one… look out.

  • jdhoward

    I had to really think about this, but I guess when I dug hard enough I do recall really admiring Lindsay Wagner the Bionic Woman when I was younger. I know that sounds corny to some young people, but back in the day, I liked the way she talked, ran, jumped, pulled her hair behind her ear (bionic ears), etc. Maybe it’s not the same thing, because I was a teen at the time.

  • Yolanda M.

    Love Sean Bean! great taste Eric 😀 I had a crush on a girl in high school that had a striking resemblance to Paulina Porizkova. Nowadays I’ll watch anything with Emma Stone in it. My man crush has to be Clive Owen (Inside Man etc).

  • Janna G. Noelle

    Someone above mentioned Megan Fox – I like her too. Also Janelle Monae – she’s so adorable and such a snappy dresser!

    Although I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I find the underlying concept of a “man crush” troubling. Men shouldn’t have to qualify their esteem and admiration for other men with “no homo”. Homophobia is a destructive force in the world (a close cousin of misogyny) which prevents many men from accessing their emotions and treating each other with respect and empathy).

    • ericjbaker

      I almost blogged about Megan Fox recently, but sometimes ideas don’t come to fruition for various reasons. I had read what was supposed to be a review of the Ninja Turtles movie by a well-known critic, but instead of talking about the movie, he spent the bulk of the review seething with hatred for the actress. He called her a “bimbo,” he accused her of arrogance for having security guards, and I forget the rest, but it added up to a hateful rant. A lot of people are very angry with her for refusing to convey the opinionless sweetheart image. Sure, she could talk about animal right or something, but the fact that she is willing to speak her mind about the movie business offends enough important people that she has a hard time getting work. Bleah.

      Janelle Monae is a likeable person, though I admit I find her music a bit hard to distinguish from some of her contemporaries. Too many current acts sound like they were recorded in the same studio with the same producer. At least to these aged ears.

      I agree that men shouldn’t have to qualify admiration for another man, but a man crush is a little too goofy of a concept for me to take seriously in that regard. Despite what I just said, there are different types of attraction and admiration, so is it inherently harmful to distinguish them?

      For example, I admire Prince as a musician and songwriter, but I don’t find him in any way captivating or exhibiting qualities I wish I had (other than talent, but that is musician-to-musician). Sean Bean, on the other hand, I like to look at on screen. His gravitas, his delivery, his intensity, his ruggedness, his badassery (which is of course fabricated by cinematographers and directors and so on) is intriguing and beyond what I am as a person. I find him captivating, but I don’t think of him sexually or romantically. I don’t care if people think I’m gay–seriously, I’m into disco and soul singers in sparkling dresses. As if no one has ever mistaken me for gay before–but it would be a misrepresentation of reality to say I am attracted to him in the commonly understood sense of the expression. If I did find a man romantically or sexually attractive, then I’d be obliged (to myself) to call that a plain old “crush.”

      As far as men go and our emotions and how we are judged by other men… there’s no switch I know of that can be flipped in the other direction. In other words, the punisher and the punished are one and the same. I’m not sure how to fix that other than to not worry about what others think, but worrying about what others think is just a target that gets moved. I don’t care if someone thinks I’m gay, but I do care if someone thinks I’m homophobic. Am I reading subtext in your comment that wasn’t there in that regard?

      Someday I hope to find myself in Vancouver. I predict they will be kicking us out of the coffee shop at closing time because we’ve been in there for 12 hours discussing everything under the sun.

  • Richard Leonard

    Ah, Sean Bean. Isn’t he the subject of all those memes with some variation of the quote “One does not simply…”?
    Been trying to work out if I have a man-crush. Got nuthin, sorry.
    Girl-crushes, however… where to start?!

  • kriskkaria

    So funny, I chuckled all the way through. Can I narrate for my podcast? the OhMyGod series is on hiatus for a bit.

  • kriskkaria

    I was remiss in letting you know I narrated your “man crush” last week. Its up on my podcast, http://kriskkaria.podbean.com/. Thanks!

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