I finally ditched the old Chevy in favor of a Nissan yesterday. Did you know that cars have power windows now?
I kid. The Chevy had the latest gadgets of its day, but at 10 years old, it needed replacing before it started transforming itself into a money pit. Like the pet piranha I owned for 7 years (true story), the Chevy never got a nickname. None of my cars have ever gotten nicknames.
That ends. Tonight.
Please choose your favorite option below. In the interest of transparency: This poll exists for purposes of entertainment and humor. Just as author and blogger Kevin Brennan did when polling to choose a name for his new novel, I am going to ignore the results and pick the one I want anyway. In essence, a vote here counts as much as a vote in North Korea, but at least I won’t send you to the dungeons for not selecting the one I prefer.
Note: I joke about power windows, but my first two cars had hand-cranked ones. And I’m not that old.
Another note: Kevin Brennan decided to name his novel Occasional Soulmates, which is a pretty bitchin’ title.
Eric the Gray 
August 1st, 2014 at 8:11 pm
I voted 🙂
August 1st, 2014 at 9:12 pm
I’m not going to peek until there are enough votes to obscure who voted for what. Or, you already cast the winning vote.
August 1st, 2014 at 8:42 pm
Don’t we need to know what kind of Nissan it is? I mean, if it’s some fat-assed family van, it needs a completely different name than a 370Z Roadster.
Thanks for the mention, by the way!
August 1st, 2014 at 8:54 pm
Thank you for tossing that out there, Kevin. I concur. I need to know if it’s The Camry . . . or The Camry!
OMG! It’s the Camry!!!
August 1st, 2014 at 9:14 pm
Eric J Baker would not be caught dead in a minivan, unless someone kills me and puts me in one, which I suppose is technically being caught dead.
It’s a Nissan Altima.
August 1st, 2014 at 10:39 pm
Ah, you’re definitely my bro, then. Family vans aren’t fit to haul manure.
I have what I need to vote now…
August 1st, 2014 at 10:42 pm
If you’re not able to see what’s in “Other,” I voted for “Serge.”
August 1st, 2014 at 11:29 pm
Nothing says reliable Japanese sedan like “Serge.” Excellent write-in.
August 3rd, 2014 at 5:52 am
Wait! Minivans aren’t cool?
I voted Chevy. I like stupid humor.
August 1st, 2014 at 8:55 pm
I vote for Sam-I-Am.
August 1st, 2014 at 9:15 pm
I do envy the shade of blue in the Dr. Seuss pic. The manufacturer does not offer that.
August 1st, 2014 at 8:56 pm
No, wait, Frankenflounder . . . as a nod to GMO.
August 1st, 2014 at 9:16 pm
Hmmm. I should have clicked the “only one vote” thingie. But that seemed so unfun and controlling.
August 1st, 2014 at 9:20 pm
Sorry. I got carried away. I’ve never nicknamed a car before.
If you want to limit votes ~ get people to Pay to Play. $1 per vote. Isn’t that how it works in a Democracy like ours?
Anyway. All those previous votes don’t count since I thought you bought a Camry.
An Altima needs a more dignified name . . . like Tongo Tongo.
August 1st, 2014 at 11:32 pm
Can I keep Tongo Tongo for myself? I am very dignified. In a way.
To enhance the joy of living, remember this: You can give a nickname to any car you want. The owner doesn’t have to know!
August 1st, 2014 at 8:56 pm
No, no, no . . . Mayor McCheese.
August 1st, 2014 at 9:17 pm
Back when you knew what politicians stood for: Cheeseburgers.
August 1st, 2014 at 8:56 pm
Or the Hamburgler
August 1st, 2014 at 9:18 pm
I would never glorify the criminal lifestyle!
August 1st, 2014 at 9:21 pm
What about Alcatraz? Good pairing with Altima.
August 1st, 2014 at 11:33 pm
Altima sounds like a wicked queen’s first name. Pronounced Al-TEE-ma
August 2nd, 2014 at 11:06 am
Ooh . . . Achmed (“I keeeel you!”)
August 1st, 2014 at 10:03 pm
you just brought up traumatic memories of how Piranha #1 expired on my watch.
August 1st, 2014 at 11:34 pm
I think that was Pirahna # 2. Piranha #1 expired in Piranha #2’s mouth.
August 1st, 2014 at 10:36 pm
All my cars had nicknames…my first car, a Ford EsCORT, was named COURTney (get it?). The second Escort I bought, after I totaled the first one, was named Courtney 2 (hey, I didn’t say I had original nicknames!). Then I bought a Ford Focus (which is now sitting, disabled, in front of my house, causing the neighbors to quietly talk among themselves about what a trashy neighbor I am) and named her Lena. I don’t know where that name came from – not that it matters because my dad started calling it Hocus Focus and it stuck. Currently I’m driving my dad’s Nissan Altima (which I love, by the way, so good choice!) that we call Prissy because he always treated that car like a princess – until I got my hands on her. Now she gets treated more like an unwanted step-child. 😐 I will be interested to see what you decide on.
August 1st, 2014 at 11:41 pm
I’ve tried to sway the vote with a wing-and-a-prayer tweet to a person I don’t know but who has a considerable number of twitter followers with a vested interest in one of those options up there. I know that’s a cryptic thing to say, but hey, I got to use the word “cryptic,” so it was worth it.
I think “Courtney” is clever. Remember those Ford Escorts? They were like ants at a picnic. It’s hard to be a trashy neighbor in an apartment complex because I have no lawn in which to place rusty washers and dryers, stacks of warped plywood, and crates full of tools that haven’t served a purpose since 1950.
August 1st, 2014 at 10:53 pm
I voted for Piranha because why not! Perfect Nissan name. My husband still drives his 1999 Honda CRV with locks that don’t work and a door that does not open. I call it, GET RID OF THE DAMN THING. 🙂
August 1st, 2014 at 11:42 pm
So he climbs in the window, Dukes of Hazzard style? Impressive.
You know, those 2015 CRVs are pretty nice. Top of the chart for crossovers. I considered one but, for some reason, prefer sedans.
August 3rd, 2014 at 7:16 pm
I am happy to report that as of today we are owners of a certified pre-owned CRV EXL with all the bells and whistles! No more climbing, manual locks, broken windows, doors and very uncomfortable seats. 🙂 I have to say, Mr. Brickhouse is already mourning his old wheels. He loved that baby a bit too much. 🙂 I gotta come up with a name for this new car now.
August 3rd, 2014 at 7:41 pm
Congrats. You can’t go wrong with a Honda. Our other car is a Civic and that thing drives like a champ.
I hear that running a blog poll is a good way to pick car names…
August 2nd, 2014 at 3:12 am
Voted, but I gotta get Stephen King outta my head, damn it.
I don’t think I’ve ever named my cars. Although I did have a several models of Holden Commodore over the years which I would call “F–king piece of crap”, or “sh!tbox” before trading it in for a newer Commodore. I eventually realised there was a common theme here and changed to Toyota. It still has no name other than Kluger but I’ve never looked back.
August 2nd, 2014 at 12:41 pm
lol. I’ve never heard of a Holden Commodore, but that made a pretty funny two-sentence story.
Re: Stephen King. You voted that I name my car Christine? Or Cujo. It? “It” would have been an appropriate name for my 1984 Chevy Chevette, which had manual steering, manual brakes, and no stereo. I once went a stretch of about 25000 miles without changing the oil. It refused to die.
August 2nd, 2014 at 7:22 am
Congratulations on your new wheels, Eric! I drove an Altima for over 10 years. It’s a low maintenance car…good choice.
I voted. You’ve got to give a car a female name.
August 2nd, 2014 at 9:00 pm
Queen Victoria? Imelda Marcos? Countess Elizabeth Bathory?
So many choices!
I decided in the Altima as the all-around gold medal winner in olympic gymnastics. You don’t have to be the best at any one thing, just very good at everything.
August 2nd, 2014 at 8:43 am
I think the car should be named after your favorite mechanic.
August 2nd, 2014 at 11:08 am
Puddy.
Or Grease Monkey.
August 2nd, 2014 at 11:46 am
🙂
August 2nd, 2014 at 9:01 pm
R2D2?
August 3rd, 2014 at 5:13 am
Bingo!
August 2nd, 2014 at 9:05 am
Jeremy
August 2nd, 2014 at 9:03 pm
Irons? Piven? The Pearl Jam song? I am lost.
August 2nd, 2014 at 9:12 am
Congrats on your new car. While I really don’t care for cars (and I loathe anything larger than my Toyota pickup), I can definitely appreciate the need for an upgrade. I also believe that when you name your vehicle, you develop a deeper relationship and it will stay with you longer. At least, longer than it would if you didn’t name it. Doesn’t necessarily mean a long time. Anyway, I voted in the Other category. I’m not very imaginative as you will soon see.
I’ve named most of my/our vehicles:
Crash, beige ’66 Dodge van;
Bonsai, white ’78 Datsun pickup;
Mitch, tan ’79 Cutless Supreme (my husband’s car for several years. We even dragged it with us when we moved from California to Florida);
Wabbit, blue ’84 VW Rabbit (alternate nickname was Deathtrap);
Ivana, gold ’97 Saturn stationwagon;
The Truck, white ’94 Toyota pickup (current); and, last but not least,
Three of Five, white 2014 Prius (current).
I admit, I am rather proud of myself for coming up with the name for our Prius. Fancy a guess on the point of reference for Three of Five?
August 2nd, 2014 at 9:07 pm
Ivana the Saturn. I like that one. Three of Five? Either a Star Trek character or it was your third choice out of five cars but they gave you a great deal.
August 2nd, 2014 at 10:34 pm
Okay, supposedly there’s a Prius 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. My husband says there really isn’t a 2 or 4. We got the 3 because it was not too small (1) and not too big (5). And we’ve been watching Voyager for the past several months. Three of Five has a nice ring to it.
August 2nd, 2014 at 11:12 pm
So there was a Star Trek aspect, however small.
I probably could have figured out the other bit by looking up the car, but I was afraid that might be cheating.
August 3rd, 2014 at 9:01 am
We’ve been watching Voyager nightly and Seven of Nine was a relatively new character. In the weird way that my mind sometimes works, Three of Five became a … designation for our new car. We bought it because resistance to the deal we were offered was futile. And we will adapt to our gas savings.
August 3rd, 2014 at 5:45 pm
If Jeri Ryan came with the car…
August 3rd, 2014 at 6:20 pm
😉
August 3rd, 2014 at 5:03 am
Haha! You had a pet Piranha?
August 3rd, 2014 at 5:47 pm
I had two! One devoured the other in short order and would have done the same to my finger if I dangled it too long. Ungrateful little bastard! I guess he never heard the expression “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”
August 5th, 2014 at 6:08 pm
Haha. He definitely didn’t care too much about the expression.
August 3rd, 2014 at 3:49 pm
Congrats on the new car. Though I don’t own one myself, I’m a huge proponent of naming inanimate objects. I have names for my guitar, my computer, and my bike. I also have an Autobot symbol decal on my bike because, you know, I keep hoping….
August 3rd, 2014 at 5:50 pm
I named my current guitar “Wanda” and my previous guitar “Richie Cunningham.” I never thought to name my bass or drums. Not the same kind of emotional attachment for some reason.
If your bike ever converts to an autobot, you will be the envy of every boy on Earth. Try a decepticon sticker and see what happens.
August 4th, 2014 at 7:07 pm
Didn’t like any of the names. Come up with new ones? 🙂
August 5th, 2014 at 11:35 pm
I loved my Nissan but it only had power steering and I drove it for over 180k miles. Then I bought a used deluxe mobile (Audi) with power everything. I’ve had the car for 7 years now and I still don’t know what some of the buttons do.
August 7th, 2014 at 6:54 pm
Just stumbled on your blog and i voted Mr potatoe head. for some weird reason that sounded like a perfect name..lol..cool blog btw!
August 7th, 2014 at 7:51 pm
Haha! Poor Mr. Potato Head was getting lonely. Thanks for doing your part to uphold democracy.