Have you ever sneezed so hard…

… you knocked your skeleton out of alignment? I swear I’ve been pulling to the right ever since that sneeze from hell this afternoon. A few minutes ago I was trying to head for the dining room but ended up falling over the sofa armrest instead.

By the way, sorry if you were expecting a scatological response to the call of today’s post title. I don’t do potty humor. But I do have a nasty cold that I’ve christened “SneezeHammer,” for reasons that should be apparent.

Ok, that’s all today. I’ve got a novel to go work on (started yesterday, as promised).

I was going to close with Slayer’s “Skeletons of Society” as my theme-appropriate video, but I don’t suppose that most of my readers are into ’80s thrash metal. So here’s “It’s Nearly Africa” by XTC, a band that defies classification. The lyric “Shake your bag of bones” is repeated several times, an admonishment my illness has taken to heart.

25 responses to “Have you ever sneezed so hard…

  • nrhatch

    Tonight, on Jeopardy, the returning champion shared just such a scenario with Alex. She sneezed so hard, that she threw out her back. Alex commiserated with her because . . . the same thing happened to him.

    Get thee to a chiropractor who uses the Activator approach (much safer and less scary than having someone “crack” your back).

    And, now, on a related note, also from Jeopardy:

    Clue: It is impossible to sneeze with them open .
    Answer: What are your eyes?

    Feel better!

  • Paula Tohline Calhoun

    I second Nancy’s comment. But I will also first my own:

    Be glad you never birthed children, (on rare occasions, being male has some advantages), or your post would most definitely have been potty humor of a sort, that really is not very humorous (from my sneezing point of view). Of course a giggle or laugh will do the same thing, and lately I have noticed that the mere sight of a closed bathroom or ladies room door also does the mean trick.. These days I am considering asking Hubs to lead me blindfolded to the bathroom. Might save me doing a lot of extra laundry.

    Glad to hear about your novel, and I look forward to you someday reading my review of it in the NYTimes Review of Books. (Hey! It could happen, , ,) I am still slogging through my book, some days enjoying the slog more than others. At this point I envision at least another year of work to go. How do people write more than one a year – let alone one, period?

    Since Jeopardy has been mentioned in reference to sneezing, there is another TV program that had a great “chiropractic” scene, but this one had to do with aging (and with which I can identify): On “Frasier” (easily one of the most well-written sit-coms ever), Frasier leans over to blow out the candle on his birthday cupcake and throws his back out. He went to work anyway, but finally had to leave and return home, when he sneeezed while on the air with his radio call-in show.

    I wish I had something witty and erudite to add to this incredibly boring comment, but I just wanted to prove to you that I do read your blog. I have learned, however, that for my big mouth (and busy typing hand), silence is often the better part of valor. It’s hard for me to shut myself up. . .but for now, I will, I guess. Although:

    blah-di-blah-blah-blah. . .ad infinitum. . .


    • ericjbaker

      The biggest advantage of being a man is that I get to admire and appreciate women. You are wonderful beings, even when the valves don’t close as tightly as they used to. I’m sure your hubs wouldn’t want to miss a minute with you.

      Let’s make a deal to review each other’s bestsellers when the time comes. It’ll be one of those pithy insider things, amusing to our throngs of followers to whom we wave and smile from our stretch limos.

      As for the back, I haven’t actually thrown it out from sneezing (though I did once put it in the recycling along with some old newspapers). This post was merely an attempt to elicit a laugh. It was just a painful sneeze. No need to prescribe valium.

      Thanks for commenting, my dear.

      • Paula Tohline Calhoun

        I am so disappointed that you were not seeking sympathy for a real ailment. Dang! And here I wasted some of my best sympathy. Granted, as my ability to sympathize would not break any records (I’m far too self-centered), you weren’t on the receiving end of much. Here’s hoping the sneezing is over. I’m out of kind “tsk-tsks” and “poor, poor things.” Pity the next true sufferer in my blogosphere. I guess this is one of the advantages of having such a small readership. (Which should of course make you feel privileged to be among the intelligent few who have read and stuck by me – more or less – over the years. YEARS! Yikes!

        Who would have guessed I would be so persistent?

  • Uzoma

    O that will be great–reading your book someday. Your articles are so important and relevant I can only wish you the best. I like you blog. And I mean it!

  • Bryan Edmondson

    I loved the line “Sneezed your Skeleton out of alignment….” that is pure gold. You are really good at coming up with these descriptive phrases.
    If you ever have time, I think that you should make a list of these phrases. I would love to use them with my affectations at parties.

  • Janna G. Noelle

    “SneezeHammer” is a great name for a death metal band.

    Glad that you started work on the novel. I look forward to reading about your progress. 🙂

    • ericjbaker

      I’m taking your advice and not writing past the point of freshness. As soon as the inner voice says “stop,” I stop. The result is that progress is initially slow, but I’m coming up with better stuff that will probably need less rewriting later.

      • Janna G. Noelle

        Always best to listen to those voices in one’s head. And maybe your progress will pick up once you sink further into the story and are able to think further down the way about what happens next.

  • Jill Weatherholt

    Advil and the heating pad is what got me through two back surgeries in my early 30’s. According to my surgeon, sneezing, reaching up for something on a high shelf or simply doing nothing at all can cause a disc to rupture as we age. Try not to sit for long periods of time, that’s the worst thing to do if you have back problems. Take care!

    • ericjbaker

      Good thing I don’t have to sit in an office chair all day. Er…

      Advil is the bomb for back pain. I’m sold on it. I had to give up snow shoveling after spending Christmas day in the emergency room a few years ago. Next thing I have to stop doing is tacklin gmy son and wrestlin gon the livingroom floor. He’s getting bigger and I’m not.

  • Earnest Harris

    My wife always says the house shakes when I sneeze. I think she is exaggerating. But not much.

    • ericjbaker

      Ha. My wife is all of 5 feet tall and weighs what I weighed in 8th grade. You should hear the woman sneeze, though. It’s like Paul Bunyan swinging a giant ax into the side of an oak tree.

      • Bryan Edmondson

        Oh lay off your better half. I am sure you snore like the blue ox “Babe,” Also you never passed the 7th grade and got a physical advancement straight to grade nine. So you technically did not have a weight in the 8th grade.Lies! I hate Lies!
        I am the one who “says what everyone else only thinks,”

        The Truthinator
        p.s. Please do not litter kids.

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